| When disciplining young children the power of control | | | | basket every morning. |
| rests with the parent but as children reach puberty | | | | - Allow your teens to experience the consequences |
| the focus of control shifts away from the parent and | | | | of their decisions. For example, let them cope with |
| back towards the child. This requires a change in the | | | | the fallout of forgetting their homework, make them |
| way parents approach discipline in order for it to be | | | | pay the fine for a late library book and allow them to |
| effective. Research tells us that by discussing and | | | | feel the discomfort from choosing inappropriate |
| negotiating acceptable behaviors and consequences | | | | clothing. Only by doing this will they learn to accept |
| with teenagers, then they are more likely to willingly | | | | responsibility for their decision making or lack thereof. |
| comply with them. | | | | - When you need to speak to your child about their |
| - Rather than demanding compliance, discuss and | | | | behavior, make sure both you and the child are calm |
| negotiate family rules and appropriate behaviors with | | | | and rational. An angry child will probably not listen and |
| your child. In areas of mutual concern such as | | | | an angry parent will have difficulty getting their |
| bedroom tidiness, try to reach an acceptable solution | | | | message across so it is better to delay the discussion |
| that both of you can be happy with, even if it means | | | | until the dust settles. |
| compromising on both sides. | | | | - Do not expect perfection. Remember that you |
| - When negotiating acceptable behaviors, ask your | | | | were not perfect back then, are still not perfect now |
| teen three questions; 1. Is it fair to others? 2. Is it | | | | and neither is your child. They will make mistakes and |
| safe for everyone? 3. Is it in your best interests? If | | | | by doing so, will hopefully learn not to make them |
| they can answer 'yes', truthfully to each, then you | | | | again. |
| have agreement. | | | | Finally, effective discipline ultimately relies on the |
| - When negotiating rules, try to focus on what you, | | | | strength of the relationship that exists between |
| the parent, will do rather on that the child must do. "I | | | | parent and child. Working hard to establish a |
| will only wash your laundry if it is put in the washing | | | | cooperative and respectful relationship will give you |
| basket" is usually more effective long term than if | | | | the best chance of coping with the inevitable |
| you demand that they put their washing in the | | | | difficulties that come with raising a teenager. |