| Do you ache to know if you're parenting well? | | | | |
| Have your kids gone underground with their | | | | 1. Probe gently. Find out what your child is |
| thoughts and feelings? Do you feel cut-off? | | | | thinking and feeling. |
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| The most important job you'll ever have is | | | | 2. Listen carefully to what your child is |
| parenting. To parent well, you need to know | | | | saying and isn't saying. |
| what your kids are thinking. If their | | | | |
| thinking is crooked, their characters will be | | | | 3. Appreciate your child's best thoughts. |
| too. Let's see how to straighten crooked | | | | Avoid denying his/her feelings. |
| thinking by viewing its power to create | | | | |
| character. | | | | 4. No criticism. Empathize instead. |
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| Thinking Creates Character: | | | | What's next? Teach your child 3 easy |
| | | | sentences to tell him/herself in difficult |
| 1. Thinking sways feelings. | | | | times. You'll be more effective if you use |
| | | | these sentences out loud before, during, and |
| 2. Feelings sway behavior. | | | | after diffficult times in your own life. Make |
| | | | sure your child hears these sentences often: |
| 3. Thinking, feelings, and behavior create | | | | |
| character | | | | 3 Easy Sentences: |
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| My toastmaster friend, Mike, presented a | | | | 1.Things aren't terrible or awful. |
| contest talk entitled "The Invisible Box." | | | | |
| With his arms extended, he drew an imaginary | | | | 2.This is just inconvenient. |
| box about 7' high and 3' wide. Next he | | | | |
| stepped inside and shut its invisible door. | | | | 3.Things don't have to go my way. |
| Mike said that too many people live inside | | | | |
| their invisible boxes. How does this apply to | | | | Think about it. Awfuls and terribles don't |
| your kids? | | | | really exist. Things are the way they are. |
| | | | The trouble starts when we use awful and |
| 1. The invisible box is the place where they | | | | terrible to describe the difficult events in |
| nurse their hurts and grudges. | | | | our lives. This is extreme thinking and it is |
| | | | negative. |
| 2. The invisible box is the place where their | | | | |
| negative attitudes fester. | | | | Teach your child that difficulties are just |
| | | | inconvenient. Inconveniences are not terrible |
| 3. The invisible box is the place where they | | | | and awful. |
| make multiple excuses and hide. | | | | |
| | | | Finally, things don't have to go their way. |
| Could this already be happening in your | | | | Teach your child to accept the reality that |
| child's mind? Certainly! What can you do? | | | | he/she is not the King or Queen of the |
| Listen for words like: | | | | universe. If they were they could make things |
| | | | go their way. They'd have the power. |
| - Nobody likes me. | | | | Accepting that things do not have to go their |
| | | | way frees them from hiding inside the |
| - I can't do it. | | | | invisible box. Being free helps them face the |
| | | | challenges in their lives with a positive |
| - It's too hard. | | | | attitude. |
| | | | |
| Suppose your child tried to make the select | | | | Take the time to discuss your child's |
| soccer team. Your child's best friends made | | | | thoughts and feelings. Teach your child to |
| the team but the coach didn't choose your | | | | use the 3 easy sentences with their 3 simple |
| child. Now your child shuts down, won't go | | | | and deep meanings. You'll be helping your |
| out to play, and steps into the invisible | | | | child step outside the invisible box. You'll |
| box. What can you do? | | | | be parenting well. You'll be building |
| | | | character too. |
| Discuss the Problem with Your Child and: | | | | |