| The Winter Olympics....Once again the fishing | | | | waters.Talk about the agony of |
| world has been ignored.As I sit watching a | | | | defeat....2)Boat Slalom. Never mind the luge, |
| spine tingling, heart thumping, always | | | | bobsled, or skeleton(which at first glance |
| tension packed Olympic Curling event | | | | appear to require the two major athletic |
| competition, I can't help but wonder why a | | | | skills of courage and alcohol), try standing |
| fishing event has never been represented in | | | | up in a drift boat while running a classIV |
| the Olympics.What are they trying to say?Are | | | | rapid with a 40 pound salmon stripping line |
| they saying that there is no athletic prowess | | | | off of your reel, hell bent for return to the |
| involved when trying to flick a #12 Adams to | | | | ocean. Yes, athletes in ten layers of |
| a 20 inch ring created by the kiss of an 18 | | | | clothing including the mandatory flannel |
| inch Rainbow trout!Is the firing of a high | | | | outer jacket, will try to stay afoot while |
| powered rifle after skiing around on a pair | | | | "the driver" navigates the boulder choked |
| of wooden planks any more demanding than | | | | channel of a stream. Not only are the |
| fording a riffle packed stream and tossing a | | | | contestants timed in this event, but style |
| chunk of powerbait deftly into the | | | | points are given for the degree of difficulty |
| "honeyhole" pocket containing an 8 inch | | | | the athlete shows while doing "gunnel grabs", |
| stocker?I see no difference.But then I'm an | | | | "spins", and the ever popular "aerials". |
| idiot.Or am I? Let's at least take a look at | | | | Throw in a number of slalom gates, and you |
| some future options for the winter Olympics, | | | | have the making of an event made for |
| that can finally give the fisherman his due | | | | television. Fall in or lose your salmon, and |
| when it comes to skill and athleticism....1) | | | | it's sorry Charlie--see you in four |
| What event shows stamina and grit more than | | | | years."OOOHHH, tough break Vern--Elwood has |
| ice fishing? I propose a winter Olympic event | | | | been training all his life for this moment, |
| that is comprised of ice fishing. In this | | | | and to see it all go overboard in one instant |
| event, contestants will be timed on their | | | | is heartbreaking...."3) No offense to our |
| ability to saw a hole in 8 to 10 inches of a | | | | Canadian friends north of the border, but |
| frozen lake surface, run in sneakers across | | | | --CURLING!!! CURLING!! A combination of |
| the frozen ice to a designated staging area | | | | bowling on ice and a group of shop keepers |
| where they will grab up a rod, and stool, and | | | | trying to keep the storefront spiffy.Gawd, |
| sprint back across the ice to the open hole, | | | | the winters must be awful up there.Outside of |
| bait up, and sit for hours in a fierce | | | | the obvious "sex appeal"of the Olympic |
| northern wind. The athlete then will | | | | Curling |
| hopefully, eventually catch a fish, pull his | | | | |
| fish from the ice hole, drop it in a bucket, | | | | events, the only thing more thrilling would |
| and sprint again across the ice, into a 1975 | | | | be to watch Dick Cheney go quail hunting.But, |
| Ford pick- up truck, drive across the finish | | | | given that there is a place on the podium for |
| line to the cheers, flag waving,and cow bell | | | | chiseled curling athletes, I'm sure we could |
| jingling of his fellow countrymen.More | | | | find a spot for the skilled athleticism of |
| challenges? Perhaps a couple of fellas name | | | | the Winter Fly Tying Team ! |
| Swen and Ole can sit across from the | | | | |
| contestant and constantly be throwing a | | | | This event would obviously be dominated by |
| verbal barrage of "You Betcha's" and "Don't | | | | the American squad, which has trained year |
| ya know's" at the athlete, as he or she | | | | round in a meat locker in Detroit. Size #28 |
| agonizingly attempts to coax a fish out of | | | | midge after miserable size #28 midge, the |
| the water.Talk about grit!!Of course the | | | | Americans have relentlessly been training, by |
| Norwegian contingent might not have a problem | | | | tying these little buggers to 8x tippet--in a |
| with this and be at a decided advantage.HOW | | | | meat locker kept at 14 degrees below |
| do you say "you betcha" in Norwegian | | | | zero.That's minus 26 celsius for our European |
| anyway?We will all watch as the hole starts | | | | competitors.There at the Olympic Fly Tying |
| to skim over with ice,and the athlete | | | | arena, in frigid weather, teams of fly tiers |
| frantically chips away at the hole to keep it | | | | will take to the vice, and tie up various |
| ice free.All the while precious time clicks | | | | flys. We will watch pained expressions and |
| away as the fish only nibbles at the | | | | complete intense concentration as athletes |
| bait.They can even hold this event indoors at | | | | try to get their fingers to work in the icy |
| the Olympic Hockey or Figure Skating venues. | | | | cold. We will hold our breath as they try to |
| It might even make the hockey games more | | | | get the hackle and dubbing just right. |
| interesting with a few holes in the ice, and | | | | Precious time will tick away as they blow on |
| figure skating?PLEASE... a double axle into a | | | | their hands, and we watch split screen images |
| gaping hole in the ice will add more | | | | of just where the Olympic hopefuls lost time |
| excitement than Tonya Harding and Nancy | | | | along the way.Of course,in this two day |
| Kerrigan living in the same trailer park. Or | | | | event, athletes will be judged on speed, |
| they can leave a few frozen fish on the ice | | | | style,difficulty, and the ability to catch |
| to help add to the Olympic ambiance.The | | | | and release fish.So, here's to the athletes |
| events could also easily be held as a "two | | | | of the XX th Olympiad, and I will see you |
| man" competition with one athlete fishing, | | | | fishing rod in hand, in Vancouver in |
| while the other builds an ice shack.If the | | | | 2010.A.J. Klott |
| extreme thrill of the Downhill is your cup a | | | | |
| tea, imagine if they hold the event on thin | | | | Author, writer of fishing humor,and "fly |
| melting ice. The now famous runs of Franz | | | | tack" peddler. A.J. writes about the |
| Klammer and Hermann Maier will pale in | | | | people,characters and modern day events that |
| comparison to the crackling of ice beneath | | | | surround the fishing world. His first book is |
| the ice fisherman's stool as he scrambles for | | | | due out in December of 2005. |
| shore before disappearing into the frigid | | | | |